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| "Two company's Stephie, but three's not necessarily a crowd," Bertie feebly argues. The issue is whether or not Jeeves will be allowed to accompany the newly wed pair on their impending honeymoon. So far, Stephie is standing firm. It's the afternoon of the Monday before the wedding, and normal decorum would have the two of them busy with other preparations and Bertie getting ready for a bachelor's night carousal with his friends. However, since some are only just now being released from the care of the local constabulary, no repeat performance is either likely, or will be countenanced. Aunt Agatha has spoken most sternly on this subject: "Hellfire and damnation! Over my dead body, or more likely, over yours Bertie! Not after the last time!" So here they are at Fortnum & Mason's tearoom on Piccadilly, a genteel and proper location for a 'little chat' before the big day. Stephie gives him that special 'I am a gull and you are a dead cod' look and says "Listen, Bertie, I'm quite prepared to have Jeeves around after we move into the new house, and I don't mind him at all. He's a likeable old stick. But I will be doubly damned if he's coming on honeymoon with us. I have to draw the line somewhere! People will talk." "I most seriously doubt that they will, Stephie. A chap's expected to have his man along. I mean, are you actually proposing that you will be laying out my clothes in the mornings, picking the right color cravat, making the tea, ironing the newspaper, running my bath at the right temperature, oh oh, there are so many complicated things to do! H-h-how could a woman, well, I really don't know, Stephie!" "Don't be a complete idiot, Bertie. You'll make me think that the Curse of the Woosters is alive again. That you'll be hauled off to the loonybin in a straightjacket singing the Marseillaise in Swahili. How could you think I don't know how to do all those things, and more? I'll even give you your morning willy massage, with no further ado." Bertie is speechless now. He feels he ought to tell her that his Uncle Horace had been singing Land Of Hope & Glory in Yoruba, but decides to concentrate on a more pressing matter. "My what?" Full story |
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